Turn Back Time
by Hawkllama
Summary: How he loved him until death... How he loved him at death... How dead he is. Oneshot of Destiel (Character Death) He dead. How dead? Hella.


"Hand me that wrench." A hand pointed from underneath the Impala towards the bright red tool box, with a blue adjustable wrench on top, set precautiously on the edge of the dusty filing cabinets in the corner of the dusty garage.

"Do you and Sam own this place?" Cas asked, handing the wrench Dean's out-stretched hand. There was the sound of grinding metal, then Dean's reply: "Nope."

"Then why-?"

"Baby's in need of a tune-up. I'm double checking everything to make sure it's running good."

Castiel was silent as he peered around the garage at the cobwebs and dust. It was quite obvious that the garage hadn't been used in quite some time. He wondered who owned the place.

"Alright." Dean said, and slid out from under the car. He stood up with a groan and wiped his hands on his jeans. Gazing fondly at his work, he popped open the lid and sat down on the cement floor. "She looks beautiful."

"Why am I here Dean?"

"To relax. Not everything's always about demons and monsters."

"We don't have time for-"

"Here." Came Sam's voice as he walked up to the open door of the garage. In his hands, he balanced three sandwiches.

"Great." Dean said standing up and grabbing a sandwich from Sam. With a grin, Dean walked over to Cas and handed him a sandwich.

"C'mon Cas, relax. It's all over."

"Dean... Where are we?"

"In an old house in the middle of nowhere. It's been abandoned for a while." Sam replied, lowering himself onto the lawn chair next to Dean's.

"Something's wrong with-"

"Cas, really?" Dean interrupted him holding his hands. "It's okay. We're okay."

"I..." Cas paused. Something was in fact very wrong. He couldn't place what it was though.

"Sit down and eat with us." Dean continued, gesturing to the empty chair beside his own.

Cas relented with a sigh, and he sat down next to the brothers. Dean smiled and handed Cas the third sandwich.

Taking a bite, his mouth was flooded with tastes of turkey, ham, cheese, and another unidentifiable substance. It was all very good tasting, but the thought that something was wrong nagged at the back of Cas's mind.

Sitting there in the warm fading light of the sun, Cas pushed away his uneasy feelings, and took another large bite of his sandwich.

"I feel like we should be doing something important." Cas said aloud.

"Nah. We're fine. Why else would we be here?"

Suddenly, Cas froze at Dean's words. The sandwich fell from his hand to the wooden floor below them. They were in the Men of Letter's library lounging about.

"Weren't we just outside?" Cas said standing up.

"About an hour ago, yea..." Sam said slowly casting a look over to Dean who shrugged lightly. "Is there something wrong Cas?"

"I don't eat." Cas responded. He looked at the half-eaten sandwich on the ground, and saw it melt into nothingness.

"Cas, sit down and relax-"

"Dean." Cas said firmly.

"Yes?"

"Am I dead?"

Dean and Sam both instantly disappeared the same way as the sandwich at Cas's question. They were there, and then they weren't. There was a light breeze from nowhere, and Cas suddenly felt very tired.

The library around him faded to nothingness as well. Then the tired feeling settled deep in Cas's soul, and he too, faded away.

 _Wake up please!_

Cas groggily opened his eyes to see Dean's scared expression hovering above his face.

Seeing Dean looking as afraid as he was... It was unnatural. Especially considering the amount of things both he and his brother had faced without even flinching.

"Dean...?" Cas spoke. He found his lips were cracked and tasted of metal.

"Don't-Don't talk." He murmured. Cas tried to ask what was wrong with him, but found that he couldn't make his body move.

"Where's...Sam..." He managed to say. Cas felt pressure on his stomach, and tried to sit up to see what this strange pressure was.

"Stop. Stay still dammit." Dean snarled. Cas closed his eyes. The tired feeling was back. It was so easy to follow the feeling last time. He'd just do the same again-

Suddenly, he felt hands resting on either side of his face.

"No! Cas, stay awake! _Stay awake damn you!_ " Dean said, voice betraying an emotion Cas had never heard from him until that moment.

"I'm...fine..." Cas mumbled. "Sam..."

"He's getting help." Dean said, his eyes looking away from Cas. Dean's green eyes were alive with fear and anxiety and that other emotion.

"Help?..."

"You were stabbed." Dean stated bluntly, not meeting those bright, beautiful blue eyes of his. He could he? Knowing what Cas did for him.

"Stabbed?..." Cas mumbled.

"By... By an angel blade." He said, swallowing the lump in his throat. He couldn't get that image out of his mind. That image of the demon...a flash of silver... _Cas falling._

Cas frowned internally. What on Earth was Dean talking about? He'd been stabbed before. This was nothing.

However, that blissful feeling of tiredness was wearing on his soul. He could feel it. Calling to him.

Calling him to the light.

"What...happened?"

"A demon that's what. It was going after me," Dean applied pressure to the hole over where Cas's heart was. The blood covered his hands, but he could care less. Cas was bleeding out. If Sam didn't make it back in time, Cas was...

Dean couldn't stand to think about it.

"But then you..." Tears welled up in his eyes of their own accord. Dean felt his heart jump as Cas's own heart stuttered for a brief moment. "Hang in there. Please Cas." Dean said.

He felt one of the tears slide down his cheek and drip onto Cas's unaturally still form. Damn tears. Tears wouldn't save him.

"C'mon Sam, where are you?" Dean mumbled, keeping the pressure on Cas's wound.

"Dean... I..." Cas began, but the words caught in his dry throat. He understood very well what was happening to him. He'd watched it happen a number of times to many different humans.

Caesar was stabbed to death by his own officers of the legion. Anne Boelyn was beheaded for merely existing. The Western World's sex goddess Marilyn Monroe overdosed and died.

Thinking of the many terrible ways he could've died, Cas considered himself lucky. A quick blow straight to the heart. His vessel was in shock, thus he couldn't feel any of the pain.

"Cas." Dean said.

Cas didn't respond.

"Cas!" He yelled desperately. He turned to look at Cas's open eyes. They were lifeless and glazed over.

Immediately, Dean moved his hands to either side of Cas's face once again and began to gently slap his pale and bloodless cheeks.

"Cas! No! Damn you!" Dean's voice cracked with emotion, and those traitorous tears began to fall gently onto Cas's bloodied chest.

Inside his head, Cas could see the light. He knew this light very well. It lead to the place he once called home. It lead to Heaven, his final destination.

However, Cas thought of the many words he had failed to say to Dean Winchester. Why would he suddenly think of him now? Cas had promised himself he would never force Dean to love him.

Hell, (As Dean would say), Cas wouldn't care if Dean hated him. So long as Dean Winchester was happy, Castiel would be too.

If he was going to die... He wanted Dean to at least know this small detail. Just this one last thing.

Using what little will-power remained, Cas forced his soul and his essence back into the damaged vessel. Since he had already left the vessel, that would mean the body was dead. Which meant that if he reinhabited the body, he'd feel all of the pain from the wound.

"Dean-" Cas winced at the first white-hot sharp burst of pain. He grit his teeth, and closed his eyes. Tears of pain welled in his eyes.

"Cas. Oh my god." Dean's hands were still on Cas's cheeks. He no longer cared what the angel would think of him. He loved him. Goddammit, Dean loved Cas with all of his heart.

How heartbreaking that it took Cas dying for him to realize this. How truly terible that he loved him... A broken and almost dead angel.

How terrible.

"Dean...I need to tell you this last thing." Cas said through gritted teeth. The pain was honestly terrible.

Is this what humans felt whenever they died?

"No, stop. Cas, just- just hang on." Dean moved his left hand, but before he could pull away his right, he felt Cas's cold hand on his own. Cas held Dean's hand in place on his cheek.

"Dean... I never really understood the human construct of love. But... as long as I've been here on Earth with you and Sam... I've come to truly understand what love is."

"Stop. Please Cas-" Dean's voice broke again, and he lowered his head to hide the tears.

"Love is whenever you and Sam would sacrifice everything for each other. I was willing to sacrifice the whole world for you, Dean. I think that means I love you... Doesn't it?"

"Goddammit Cas..." Dean's body was wracked with silent sobs. Finally, he mustered the courage to look into Cas's blue eyes.

Cas's eyes reflected the absolute epitome of love. Dean's eyes showed his deep sadness and fear. He knew what was going to happen.

"How... How? Why? You can't do this to me." Dean said angrily. " _You. Can't. Die!_ "

"Dean... I love you." Cas said, as a smile broke out across his cracked dry lips. Before Dean could react, Cas did something that he promised he wouldn't do.

He pulled Dean's face to his own, and lightly kissed his lips.

Dean's lips tasted of tears. Cas could literally taste Dean's grief.

Releasing the front of Dean's shirt, and the back of his neck, Cas slowly lowered himself to the ground. His smile faded, as he realized that this was the last thing he'd ever do.

At least he told him. At least he made his feelings clear.

Cas's eyes finally closed. The blue pools of his eyes were hidden in the dark, never to open again, as Cas let out his last breath.

Dean finally let out the sobs of pain. Cas's dead body lay in his arms, and Dean cradled him close to his chest.

"Cas! _Goddammit Cas!_ " He screamed, the force of his yell ripping his vocal chords. He rocked back and forth, Cas in his arms, crying, when Sam walked in with Crowley.

"Oh..." Crowley said, a crease forming between his eyebrows.

Sam breathed shakily, with the realization that the indestructable angel, their unshakeable rock, _Castiel_ , was dead.

"Poor squirrel. And poor angel." Crowley muttered. "He sort of grew on me."

"Fuck you Crowley. Fuck you!" Dean snarled, not looking away from Cas's still form in his arms.

Crowley raised and eyebrow, but didn't comment. Though he didn't show it, Crowley too, wished Castiel was alive. The demon who had attacked Dean, then killed Cas would be punished severely.

Sam, meanwhile, and collasped on the ground. Castiel was dead. He was really and truly _dead._

Dean's whole world ended when Cas's heart stopped. He would never be the same.

Especially when he realized that he loved Cas, and that Cas loved him back.

It was too late. Too late to turn back time and say sorry.

Though that was all Dean wanted.

To turn back time, and save Cas.


End file.
